The perks of being a wallflower

the song that played in my blog was sang by me!

Tuesday, 26 April 2016 

“Can I tell you a secret? You don’t have to be in a relationship. 
I mean it. I know they force it down your throat until you choke on it. Girls aren’t pretty unless they’re wanted. Boys aren’t men unless they’re having sex with someone. People aren’t lovable until they’re dating someone. 
But a relationship won’t always make you happy, and as wonderful as romance is, it isn’t the only love that exists. I have seen friendships that are deeper and more pure than couples who swear it’s forever - and yet the friendship is the one people ignore. 
I have heard so often “nobody loves me” out of the mouths of people who are single. And it kills me because if you ask them: where are your parents, your teachers, your classmates, your pets - they say, yes, okay, but it doesn’t count. Of course it counts, love doesn’t diminish just because someone doesn’t want to have sex with you. In fact, doesn’t it sort of make that love more real that they want nothing - not even a date - out of you?
It is pretty to be in love. It’s magical, I’m sure. But it’s also wonderful to stop for ice cream in your prom dress with six other girls. It’s also wonderful to go visit the world with nothing but a bunch of buddies who are really excited about learning. 
The problem is: we’ve made everything about “the one”. But maybe “the one” is just you, loving yourself, having fun, and being happy. Maybe instead of looking for our other halves, we should be piecing ourselves together.
Maybe I wasn’t born unfinished. Maybe I am the one who makes myself better.”

Tuesday, 15 March 2016 

“I wanted to call him,“ i said, ” just to see how he was doing. But i can’t do that. i can’t talk to someone who held my heart in their palm and pretend it never happened. “I wanted to ask why it was so hard to get over him. I wanted to know if he felt pain like knives in his sides like I did. I wanted to know if he ever felt lonely when he listened to music, or if things reminded him of the memories we made. “I wanted to say that I couldn’t remember the sound of him saying my name anymore and sometimes that scared me but I knew it was important, and that our last kiss wasn’t anything like in the movies, that it was so brief the wind had swept it away before I’d had a chance to commit it to memory. I wanted to explain how now I’d forgotten everything apart from the way he made me feel, like I could do anything, like love wasn’t just for perfect people, like love could also be for me. “So my god I wanted to call him, but instead I sat on the floor and drank shots like they were tea. To be honest I don’t know if I still loved him, but then I suppose you have to love someone to miss them like that; like hell, like absolute-fucking hell.

i love u
Thursday, 4 February 2016 

Marry someone who lets you drink their juice, even after you said you weren’t thirsty. Marry someone who laughs at the same things you do. Marry someone who kisses your nose on a cold day. Marry someone who you can watch Disney movies all day with. Marry someone who is proud of you whether you earn £5 a week or £5,000 a week. Marry someone who you can tell everything to. Marry someone who isn’t afraid or embarrassed to hold your hand in public. Marry someone who lets you take over when decorating a cake. Marry someone who you can spend the day in Ikea with without feeling stressed. Marry someone who wraps you up inside their coat in the winter. Marry someone who accepts your fears and phobias. Marry someone who gives you butterflies every time you hear their key in the door. Marry someone who you don’t always have to shave your legs for. Marry someone who accepts you all day every day, even when you don’t look or feel your best. Marry someone who still puts three sugars in your tea, despite telling them “just two”. Marry someone who doesn’t judge you when you eat your body weight in cookies. Marry someone who doesn’t make you want to check your phone, because you already know they will reply. Marry someone who waits with you to get on the train. Marry someone who understands that you need to be alone sometimes. Marry someone who gets on well with your parents and isn’t uptight about family events. Marry someone who calms you down when you get mad about stupid stuff, and never tells you it’s “only stupid stuff”. Marry someone who makes you want to be a better person. Marry someone who makes you laugh. Marry someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Marry someone who you love. Marry your soulmate, your lover, your best friend.

Head up.
Thursday, 21 January 2016 

“So you want to be happy? Then stop letting the smallest things ruin your whole entire day. If you’re bored with your daily routine, do something unexpected. Stop complaining about how alone you are when you’re surrounded by people who actually care about you. Forget all the drama and let go of all the grudges you’ve been holding. Stop wasting time lingering over all that you could have, should have and would have done. Stop spending your days thinking of how much better you could do; stop longing for something that has been and always will be out of your reach. Just live the days as they come. Wake up every morning and smile at the wonderful day that awaits you. Take a risk for once. Let yourself be happy, because you deserve it.”

I wish..
Friday, 18 December 2015 

“I wish I had met you sooner. If you were mine when I was 14 I never would’ve fallen for that boy in my chem class and cracked my head open on his chest. I couldn’t see straight for 3 weeks after that. And maybe if I had known you since I was a little girl I never would’ve gotten sad enough to cut myself, a tick mark in my skin for each time my mother cried. And if we had met two summer’s ago I probably would’ve been asleep in your bed instead of in my big sister’s car when she crashed it and I could’ve twirled my fingers around your hair instead of pulling the strings out of hospital blankets. If we had met just a few months sooner I’d probably never know the taste of too many pills because my mouth would be too busy telling you that I love you. I know that people can’t save you, I’m just saying, I think that if we could go back in time, and kiss before the night the fire in my bedroom washed away the blood stains on my carpet, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to mean it when I say I want to die.”

i'll never write
Saturday, 21 November 2015 

The first time she said it, he was on the floor, looking for something. “I love you.” It was quiet, as if a passing thought, but he froze, like it was the most important thing in the world. “Say it again,” he said, turning to look at her. “I love you.” She whispered. 
And there was something about the way she sat there, quivering like a leaf, that made him want to sit down and hold her forever. “I love you I love you I love you.” She was getting much too brave, and the words rolled off her tongue like they’d been waiting for a long time to be heard. “I have been too afraid all my life.” She said. “But I am tired now. Screw building walls and hiding emotions. “I am fucking terrified, and perhaps I don’t know much. But I love you,” she laughed. “I know that I love you.”

"I wish.."
Tuesday, 10 November 2015 

“I wish I wasn’t expecting you to show up at my doorstep to say one last goodbye because I know it’s never coming. I wish I didn’t check my phone 50 times a day, hoping your name lit up my screen with an “I miss you” text the way it used to on the random days you did miss me more than usual. I wish you didn’t have to go. I wish I had known that the last time I saw you, I’d be hugging you and pressing my lips against yours for the last time.. Maybe I would’ve done both more carefully in hopes I could have slowed time down to spend more of it appreciating your every touch. I wish you fought as hard as I did to try to make things work despite the distance, even though we knew things would be hard on us both. I wish I could forget you because it hurts so damn much to think about you still. I wish I didn’t fall so fast, feel so deep, and love so widely. They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder.. But really, I wish that distance didn’t exist, not between two hearts at least.”

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