Thursday, 29 October 2015 

“when i first met him, i only ever let my light shine through. i was a girl with messy hair, hiding behind it, her messy mind. i told him everything i loved, nothing i hated. everything ended in a giggle, or a short smile, my period ending to each sentence. i told him my favorite songs, and the books i kept on my shelf closest to my bed. i said, i was healing. i thought, i was healing. when i first met him, he saw no flaw in my eyes. i was a walking picture perfect girl. i swallowed my tears down with words, i bit my tongue and spent nights spitting out blood. i was damaging myself by hiding the hurt, hiding the sad in my soul.

slowly i unraveled, like a story too long the details begin to feel like a blur. a tear would slide down my cheek here, a sniffle there. a, “i’m sad today.” started off most conversations. my voice changed with my mood, he was able to tell if i was okay by a simple hello. i could feel myself losing the image i tried to portray, i felt the paint chipping off my skin. i felt the blood covered smile fading away. i was vulnerable. he saw me, a naked body, a nude soul. raw and hurting, emotional and lost. when he tried to pull me close i ran with clumsy feet and weak knees. i tried so hard to hide the sad girl in me, i kept her in my chest underneath rib cage, and set her free only in solitude. god, i knew, no one could ever love a mess in a dress, a disaster in denim, a sorrow in a skirt, i was too much, too bad… 

but 

he always tells me, he must be no one. and he is okay with being no one. as long as i am someone to him. and oh, he is my someone, my something, my only. in front of him i stripped my clothes, my skin, my bones unzipped stories. he looks at me like a book, a movie, an everlasting poem. he handles me with careful fingers, a delicate touch. he sews me back together with sweet words, and soft whispers. he lets me cry into his ear, lets me sit in sadness without scaring him away. he has seen the girl that lives in my chest, he knows she is a part of me. and just like i have loved the boy living in his dark, he loves her back. he still see’s her light. he helps me fight.”